i am extremely good at putting myself in a decision making dilemma... if one's accomplishments could be measured by how good they are at subjecting themselves to a state of complicatedness... i think i'd score pretty well. alas!
i am waiting to hear when the dreaded oral defense of my thesis will be... while waiting i am recuperating from all the madness and slowly getting back to stressing again (?!) and preparing for the d-day. other perpetually lingering issues creep up on me with different intensities depending on what triggers their appearances... they fall into categories like: do i want to stay in research; is there something else out there i could do or have the ability or skills i could contribute to?, where could i have as my nomadic base; how long am i staying in any given place?!?, should i even consider getting a car, if i might have to relocate again?, etc.
ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! i hate how i do it to myself again and again... you should have to avoid getting into such a state like i often do as it is extremely vexing! to get out of this crippling restless state of rationalizing... i am keeping myself busy... and hoping that the activities will push those chronic issues into the subconsciousness and let them hum in the background whilst they reconfigure themselves into something more positive.
sigh... i should never have been a nomad... =(
many years ago, when my dormie, Stefanie, in UWCAC, was talking about baking a carrot-cake one saturday, i remember looking at her kinda confused. the only 'carrot-cake' i knew then was this yummy asian version of grated radish mixed with rice flour, steamed in large cubes, and then fried and served savoury... Stefanie is Italian (or German-Italian) and it was really unlikely that she's tried the type of carrot-cake i grew up enjoying... but she was real certain of making it! so i watched her in the student-house kitchen grating carrots and dumping it into a gooey mix and coaxing the stuff into the heated oven. it was as she said, carrot cake! and it was yum.
during the many years i've spent in the UK, i've always enjoyed my nibbles of carrot-cake but without the super-sweet icing on top... unless it had cream-cheese 'frosting' like the way the organic deli, across from where i once lived as a student with two other flatmates, would make and sell it... but i've never attempted to bake one myself. the closest i got to was finding and printing out a recipe. that was nearly 5 years ago.
a few days ago i finally decided i would try it out so i could bring it to the Thanksgiving get-together at the Boeffs... i always like to bring something whenever i am a guest (mainly as an excuse to procrastinate!). but when i studied the recipe, the amount of sugars called for was a little more than alarming! being a totally non-devout recipe-follower anyway, i took the liberty of modifying it based on what i thought was sound... while keeping the cinnamony-spicey holiday season warmth of what the cake symbolized intact... and am glad to discover that not only was the cake edible, it was well-liked by a nearly 3-yr old toddler who insisted on having her cake, eating it! and asking for a second helping! wow. little did i know what the magic of carrots in a cake entailed!
so here's the recipe a la yours truly... =)
carrot cake
- 2 & 3/4 cups of grated carrots (3 large carrots)
- 1 tin of pineapple purée (syrup drained off)
- 4 eggs
- 1/2 cup of raisins (optional)
- 1 cup vegetable oil
- 1 cup brown / castor sugar
- 2 & 1/4 cups of plain/cake flour (sifted)
- 1 tsp baking powder
- 1 & 1/4 tsp baking soda
- 2 to 3 tsp ground cinnamon
- 1/4 tsp ground cloves OR allspice
- 1/4 tsp salt
*) if you don't live in the US where ovens and stoves are always on auto-pilot, pre-heat oven to 350°F OR 180°C
**) line a cake tin (e.g. 9-12'') with parchment paper; grease and flour the sides
1) mix dry ingredients together in a large bowl
2) blend in vegetable oil into a smooth paste
3) beat in eggs individually
4) mix in pineapple purée and carrots
*) heat oven to 350°F OR 180°C if it's not already preheated
5) pour mixture into lined/greased cake tin
6) bake in the middle of the oven for about 30-45mins, until tester slides cleanly out.
7) remove and allow to cool for about 5 mins
8) remove cake from tin to cool completely before frosting, if desired.
cream cheese 'frosting'
- 14-16 oz. organic light cream-cheese or quark
- 1 (&1/2 if you prefer a sweeter frosting) cup extra-fine raw sugar
- 2 tsp vanilla extract
1) beat cream cheese until soft and light
2) blend in vanilla
3) blend in sugar
4) 'frost' the cake when it is cool and decorate with edible festive sprinklers etc. if desired.
serve with tea, coffee or wine... or just dig in... =) enjoy!
... now i just need to find a decent recipe for madeleines... hmmmmmm.
i have been fiddling with a couple of entries describing the various things i've tried to do to occupy my 'rambling', wandering mind since i submitted my crazy monster of a phd thesis nearly 2 weeks ago on a friday... but all of them are pretty much less than half-baked! it almost seemed like my mind's buzzing and yet determined to avoid all things involving stringing thoughts into a coherent whole. i apologize if this entry is gibberish... but i thought i needed to at least attempt to coax myself into being focussed again... for there's still the dreaded oral examination that will supposedly determine my worthiness of being an official 'arm-chair philosopher'... who would have thought that the apparent descriptor that's often times indirectly assumed by people engaged in a bit of reflection and pondering required official verification?! hmm?! baaaah.
i get all nervous and weak thinking of the impending grilling against which i'll have to provide my independent defence... and now i wish i didn't write all that 200 pages of *crap* or *scientific garb*... eeks. now there's a million of possible ways i could be attacked! HELP! where are the portable rabbit-burrows?!?!?
alas! my poor brain does not wish to deal with all that it had to address in the last 2-3 months; intense integration of ideas, thoughts, etc., the perpetual need for intelligible word-spewing, and the editing marathon that seemed never-ending... boy was it a crazy whirlwind! maybe i do need a break! sigh... what a dilemma!!!
i had no idea how these fluttery things with slimey-looking younglings get inside my apartment when there's a wire gauze over all windows... except perhaps through the slits in the window wherein the air-conditioner (A/C) was installed over summer... darn those wretched creatures! i had to part with my beloved sacks of rice... rice of all sorts; wild, sweet, brown, and my baking stuff... evil little things!
may i also mention that the said window with the A/C also enticed a frequent visitor with a bushy tail particularly when it storms... and more annoyingly this visitor has a penchant for gnawing at the gauze outside the storm window next to the one containing the A/C. it's partly my fault for having the storm window drawn up occasionally for the fresh breeze, because the protective (?!?) gauze has suffered 3 chewing destructions and consequent replacements... and i believe that the visitor actually came in one evening and decided that it wasn't going to be finding any food and scampered out again. i've never had negative thoughts of grey squirrels until i met them in person... they are pesky.
anyways... back to the pantry! i've been swatting and exterminating them moths and emptying my food cupboard... and putting whatever could be salvaged in a box... clearing away these invaders will be my new chore! baaaah... and i will have to live with an empty cupboard for a while... sob.