i absolutely HATE the anti-climatic phenomenon of finishing 'set' goals... or anything equivalent, like finals, etc. it's great and incredibly awful at the same time. i am beyond exhausted... but i can't sleep. it's been nearly 2 hrs since i tried to hit the sack... to no avail... i'd gladly try to do more thesis writing, editing... etc. but it's really not happening... oh that useless brain buzzz.......... grrrr.
i have an unconfirmed subjective hypothesis that unaddressed issues often return to taunt and haunt one's conscience... this seems to apply micro-scopically... meso-scopically... and macro-scopically etc.
when violence is used as a means to end confrontation of real issues... it offers no resolution... and often more suffering and hatred. we just don't seem to learn?!?!?... or that the survival of the fittest gene is just too potent compared to the altruistic cousin? and more generations of sacrifices are needed to rid that once-useful (?!) mutant?!
in any case... we can't just keep watching and do nothing?!?! this is so vexing... =(
-- more on Burmese situation...
today's poem selection from The Writer's Almanac is apt for my big brother & Lynette...
My Daughter's MorningMy daughter's morning streams
over me like a gang of butterflies
as I, sour-mouthed and not ready
for the accidents I expectof my day, greet her early:
her sparkle is as the edge of new
ice on leafed pools, while I
am soggy, tepid; old toast.Yet I am the first version
of later princes; for all my blear
and bluish jowl I am welcomed
as though the plastic bottleI hold were a torch and
my robe not balding terry.
For her I bring the day; warm
milk, new diaper, escapades;she lowers all bridges and
sings to me most beautifully
in her own language while
I fumble with safety pins.I am not made young
by my daughter's mornings;
I age relentlessly.Yet I am made to marvel
at the durability of newness
and the beauty of my new one.
by David Swanger from Wayne's College of Beauty.
© BkMk Press, 2006.
i drink coffee or tea or self-prescribe vitamin B2/B6 boosters to keep awake so i can get more writing done... particularly in the day... but my wonderful metabolism (which i can't seem to work out) has its own timings and delays... i am generally tired and under stress but get perky because of the caffeine at weird times... sometimes i am so tired but my mind is still awake and i can't sleep... to tire myself out i try to get some more done instead of ruminating over crazy life choices that led me to where i am which can be pretty well... literally nerve-wrecking... but if i don't keep caffeinated... i keep falling asleep... and so it's a stupid viscious cycle which i can't quite halt at the moment... because the writing needs to be done... =(
one thing about weather in the twin-cities is that it is always hard to accept the reality that summer is over... and winter is really just around the corner because it is generally very sunny here. i still have the innate (& potentially chronic) difficulty in trying to unlearn the association that sunny == warm... just as much as i have to undo the negatively reinforced damage of associating waking up early == school or work.
but reality hits hard and today's temperature is a chilly 18-19°C... and briliantly SUNNY!
ooh... after last year's London 10K... i haven't really signed up for any running events. the twin-cities marathon is in october and while i don't really fancy such a long distance, i did really enjoyed the challenge of the 10k run... sadly the 10mile run entry application is now closed, and with the recent bridge collapse, rerouting is currently being worked out. there is however, a potentially nice 5k run which i could participate without too much training and use it as an incentive to clock up my ~10miles per week goal in keeping fit during this crazy writing up spree... decisions... help!
oh it's been pretty stressful lately... trying to churn out intelligible words and stringing them into sensible sentences... everything still seems pretty crappy to me, nonetheless. maybe that's what a crazy phd is all about. it demoralizes you to the point of non-retractable self-doubt and lead you to the brink of insanity! a visiting colleague once commented that phds are more about solving problems than the science itself... there's quite a lot of truth to it... sadly. but a lot of the challenging experience has also made me very appreciative of all the encouragements i've been bestowed... i am indebted to so many of you out there...
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mummy and papa have been amazing... despite the geographical distances, they've been there when i needed their help and comfort... i can't wait for my new cell phone to arrive! my current sony-e of nearly 5 yrs old is still alive except that nobody can hear me on the other end... it would cost so much to get another phone that would work beyond the usa from here or to fix it. so papa has kindly upgraded my phone and i shall have a portable walkie-talkie again... soon.
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i don't know about you, but i often find inspirations for cooking from people... like who they are, what we've cooked, eaten, and /or enjoyed together... etc. for those of you who don't have to scratch your head every day and figure out what to make for lunch or dinner... this is something quite frustrating at times, particularly if you are quite a foodie and like good food and are pretty stressed and don't have much time... but it always helps when there is some inspiration... no matter how flighty it might be.
chatting with mum is wonderful for such fits of foodie inspirations... particularly when i've not been eating too well... it's a wee bitty better now; everything is relatively better when you are not under immense stress or subjective misery... last weekend, after our conversation, i attempted to make the fried-noodley dish she used to make for us as kids... it might seem funny, but she invented it as a healthier alternative to instant noodles that my brothers and me love to snack on... and yes she used instant noodles but it's done with so much other yummy stuff like prawns, meat, veggies and shredded omelette and healthier seasonings... it's so hard to resist and a gazillion times better than ramen plain. i've not had it for years... and she was so busy when i was visiting in july that she didn't get a chance to make it... i've been craving it for a while now, so i attempted to make that noodley dish to relive that moment of blissful childhood happiness while eating my mummy's fried noodles.
when inspiration meets availability of ingredients in your fridge or food-cupboard, you are in luck! to be honest, although my creation wasn't quite as good nor as similar it sure made me feel so much better!
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