what a beautiful fresh morning... i set off to work late... stole a few more winks in bed. the colours of fall are beginning to intensify... i love Fall, even if it makes me edinburgh-sick... because the weather and temperature are finally livable for only a few weeks before winter sets in... and the colours along the mississippi, ooh the colours!
when i parked my black-beauty (my bicycle!) at work, a veteran walked past and asked:
"What will you do when Winter arrives?"
"I'll bus!", i replied with a smile...
i hope winter won't come so soon, it's very very very very very cold here in winter... but sunny.
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when i reached my desk, the phone rang. it was O, who's on the road to canada... he left the lab yesterday evening for a new chapter in his life. it's sad saying goodbye to a colleague and friend. i won't forget the driving practice (he was so generous and patient! bless him) and the fact that he (and others) had more confidence in me than myself, the roadtrips, and the fun that him, E , Io, and i had... but it would be lovely to have a friend to visit in montreal!
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meanwhile... i am keeping sane with monoceros's lovely introduction to some beautiful music by Gabriela Montero (who makes me feel better about my silly amateurish random improvisational quirks) and Jake Shimabukuro (who makes me think of mandolines when he plays his ukulele so mesmerisingly)... and trying to get more analyses going...
Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah, they were all yellow.
I came along,
I wrote a song for you,
And all the things you do,
And it was called "Yellow."
So then I took my turn,
Oh what a thing to have done,
And it was all "Yellow."
Your skin
Oh yeah, your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,
You know, you know I love you so,
You know I love you so.
I swam across,
I jumped across for you,
Oh what a thing to do.
Cos you were all "Yellow,"
I drew a line,
I drew a line for you,
Oh what a thing to do,
And it was all "Yellow."
Your skin,
Oh yeah your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,
And you know
For you I'd bleed myself dry
For you I'd bleed myself dry
It's true, look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine.
Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And all the things that you do.
--- © Coldplay ---
i couldn't get this out of my head yesterday... sucha lovely song... ain't it?!
*ps: i just remembered that a year ago, i was @ the concert!
would be nice if i could afford one... at least i could DREAM of renting one... since i've passed the local driving test!!! meanwhile, the 1/18 model toy-version will be my first little mini-MINI =C)
once in a while, i succumb to the lure of distractions... big and small. often, this lack of self-restraint re-surfaces just about the time i finish something wretchedly exhausting... no prizes for guessing the recent ordeal horribus.
friday... the deadline... for weeks on end i had been staying up late and returning over the weekends to run series of number-crunching, hours by day and night... the poor computers suffered as much RAM as i did... and i am beginning to notice the symptoms of burning out; the very idea of programming rekindles the ever familiar: "i hate-programming" sulk... and it takes me forever to do something seemingly straightforward.
yet, the sloth-like pace in stringing together bizarre mathematical syntax metamorphosizes, in an instant, into sprightliness when there's the excuse to engage in, for example, conversations over a cocktail, browsing in B&N just around the corner from my apartment, cleaning and tidying the apartment, or trying out new recipes... anything... anything to get away from programming!!!
and so i joined a couple of my colleages for a drink at an uptown bar-restaurant after work on friday; they didn't have much difficulty coaxing me this time, like they usually do... and i ordered a B52 -- a concoction of Baileys Irish Cream, Grand Marnier, and Kahlua, served layered like a pudding (or sometimes, mixed over the rocks)... it was actually not on the cocktail list... ooops... but i have my way to what's real yuuum... although on hindsight, i should perhaps have tried something new... my other favourite cocktails are Piña Colada and the Singapore Sling... well, i suppose there's something i am patriotic about! ha.
then, i made my way home from uptown by bus, and via Barnes&Nobles... i count myself lucky to live very near 2 bookstores (the other being the HalfPriceBookstore with a lot of great bargains on used books)... but of course... this proximity comes with a price... a literal one! so, along came these new friends...
in the hope that they will inspire me to get started, with the bones of my thesis, even if the draft will be crappy. i also found a copy of Secret of the Senses which included works of some eminent scientists i have recently heard in the Presidential symposium... and others whose renowed names i happen to recognise! fascinating stuff.
then, i found myself trying to rekindle the taste of a decadent chocolatey pear cake-tart... 
i must say, i am intrigued by how taste-buds link our conscious eating experiences into some form of stored memory... because they get replaced nearly every week or month!
and i made the zabaglione sauce for tiramisu, which i completed this morning... i am bringing the dessert for the farewell party on monday evening! yes... and i have a lot of liquor-infused coffee left from the "pick-me-up" affair... which i need use up... hmmm.
as if that wasn't enough fun... i just made myself a surprisingly beautiful shrimp-bisque... inspired by a recipe from the Soup book i bought myself the other day... it is gorgeous with Carr's cheese-melts, which lucy gave me to bring back to usa... because, lovely british crackers are so hard to come by... oooooh.... yums.
can there be enough distractions in a day?! nope nope nope...
i couldn't sleep last night after a few days of staying up real late -- or till real early -- funny how hard it is to get to sleep when you are so exhausted! oh well...
"Sometimes I have trouble falling asleep but it's not so bad
I don't worry and I don't weep. In fact I'm glad.
Because I get up off my pillow and I flip on the light.
I get down and get hip in the still of the night
I stretch and I yawn and then I breathe real deep
And dance myself to sleep.I hoof around my beddie just a-tappin' my toes
Before I know what's happened I'm a-ready to doze
Got some partners I can count on called the boogie-woogie sheep
I dance myself to sleep.--- Ernie"
from 'It's Not Easy Being Green And Other Things to Consider'
Jim Henson , The Muppets, and Friends
i woke up this morning... kinda sore in my back... i wonder what i ended up doing to myself, trying to get to sleep!
i don't like writing reports... particularly progress reports or funding reports. i suspect i waste all my waking hours trying to make sense of my work and all those thousands of words i make appear on the document exist solely to be filed. but i do it for my own benefit, i keep telling meself... it's an opportunity to reflect on and consolidate what i am trying to study in my work.
so that's what's taking up my time these days... and also me trying to do crazy complicated contour plots in MATLAB... it's driving me insane... it might be my only chance to prove to my supervisor here that Fortran isn't terribly good in making graphs! maybe... just maybe.
the more i dive into my research the more i am convince that the bulk of the work is really to sort your data into suitable chunks for statistical analyses (some form of which take hours to crunch!)... i reckon you spend more time getting intimate with the matrices you create... than actually running your experiments or writing up your thesis... then again, maybe a molecular biologist would say that the experimentation takes longer than the analyses... either way, i am convinced the distribution of all that is highly skewed.
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anyways, in case you wanted something more entertaining... here's why the world is so messed up... maybe we should be more vocal of our thoughts... so that people actually hear what we want to say or feel about them... hmmm.
i can't quite sleep even
though i am exhausted...
driving test in morning...
and i can't guarantee
a 90deg. back-park
if i get the angle wrong...
and i have a tendency
of stalling the old car
i get to use...
sob.
so i console myself
for trying anyways;
for not having had much
opportunity to practice
getting better at driving
on either sides; both 'right'
and wrong... although
i probably drove more
than i have ever done
so in the last weeks...
yet if you count the hours...
they probably don't even
make up a month's time...
that's how little
i've driven since
i got my license.
i console myself for
the fact that there
are probably very few
people out there who've
even tried stick-shifts,
driving on both the 'right'
and wrong sides...
i console myself
for facing my fears...
and being realistic
because i could
very well, not pass...
oh well...
at least there are others
who are willing to believe
that i could make it
and give up their time
to help me gain
back some confidence...
i console myself
and hope i could
fall into a good sleep.
5 years ago, i was just settling into the historical city of Tübingen... in fact, i remember spending the first months sleeping on my camping air-mat laid over a few duvets in what would become my room for the next 2 yrs of my stint in germany... i had an eucalyptus tree and a garden bench for company... and the slanted roof for cosiness... and living out of my big yellow north-face duffle-bag. classes have already begun at the graduate school... and i got home that afternoon, quite despondent over all the many facts i wish i knew and the work i had to do and the frustration of being in a foreign country and not really able to utter more than "Nah? Wie war dein Tag?!" to my land-lady-flatmate... or to anyone else i knew.
i popped into the living room to find ute sitting in front of her beloved telly... and said hello... she sat me down to watch the horrifying news in german... news of the madness that blew over new york just hours before i got home... i was kinda confused and not quite sure what's being blabbered on the news and it took me like 10 minutes to figure out that my brother could be in danger (or ?!)... and so i tried to call him in NY but i couldn't get though... & panicked... then i decided that maybe my family at home would know of something... so i called them... and boy was i relieved to hear he's fine... but trapped in his office building... until further notice.
i never really figured out what actually happened... because it's not always easy to ask people about it. but i got to speak to my brother a week later and he told me that it was surreal; seeing the 2nd plane crash into the 2nd tower... people throwing themselves out, ... everything collapsing.
so much has happened since... and yet somehow... ground-zero remains a stark reminder of the many gaping holes in hearts that remain too much to bear... not just in america, but in iraq, in sudan (because of the war in iraq; many UN military were unavailable to be sent to help stop the humanitarian crisis there), in spain, in london, in israel, in lebanon, in so many other places...
with all the build-up to the memorial day... i got to watch a documentary film about New York last week while randomly switching channels... and learnt about the controversies about the twin-towers and the architectural designing and building of the world's tallest buildings... some ironies as to their economic purpose and the revival of the lower Manhattan, some amazing engineering triumphs, the spell-binding high-wire walker performance by the french, Philippe Petit, and the gradual attraction of the towers to tourists, business, and their eventual destruction and the carnage...
the recount of the event 5 yrs ago in pictures spoke more than what words could appropriately describe... it is very sad in a multi-faceted way... but i think some positive things have emerged too, albeit being overshadowed by the apparent senseless war(s)...
somewhere amidst the ugly madness... is the amazing human capacity to will ourselves to cope with adversity... the celebration of the simple yet profound things in life; like being able to call my brother in NY even though he doesn't always return my calls... and perhaps a reminder that how we journey through our transient (and interconnected) existence is what we make out of it... carpe diem.
labour day in the US is adamantly not on the 1st of May... and since i couldn't get away from my work-misery and the twin-cities over the long weekend (my escape plan to NY didn't materialise... maybe next time!) ... i decided to bring the party into my wee apartment instead... well, it's just a wee little dinner get-together with a few of my colleague-friends. but it meant i could kinda say 'thank-you' to one of them who's been very kind with letting me use his car to practice driving... and also an excuse to watch "The Fiddler On The Roof" with some company... and it gave them the opportunity to taste some asian-homecooking... well, almost!
those who have actually seen me messing about in a/the kitchen will realise how dyslexic i am in following recipes... whether it is pure dyslexia or pure obstination in following 'orders' or that i don't always have everything i need... i tend to exercise quite a lot of creative license in my cooking... just because. well, call it a genetic disposition! but i quite like this rather non-conformist drive in me, particularly in the kitchen... =C) ...
"cooking without a recipeWhile some people like the 'certainty' that comes from following an exact recipe, others rarely bother with them. [...] This does not always mean that [those latter people] are particularly experienced cooks -- it may be that they have an instinct for what might go with what. A feeling for their food. They may also have read or heard that x is good with y, or vaguely remember something they once ate and enjoyed. Whatever sort of cook you are -- or want to be -- there is nothing quite so rewarding as following your instincts and finding that they pay off.
" (Nigel Slater, APPETITE, pg 34-35)
i often browse through recipe books to find inspiration, or gain them through my mummy's cooking, or by learning from what other people do, or quite simply from trial-and-error... and from really screwing things up! but hey.... it's really not a big deal. at least i don't think so... some people get really stressed out about screwing up... and in some ways, jeopardise the enjoyment that goes with the whole affair...
i think it is fun to have people helping you with your messing-about-in-the-kitchen; especially those who have a penchant for all things foodie... this hands-on activity is also a good way to prepare your 'guests' for what they will be eating! haha...
apart from the braised pork and tofu stew which i served with steamed rice (cooked on top of the gas-stove) and garlic-stir-fried broccoli, i thought it would be fun to include a version of vietnamese spring-rolls as appetiser which i got the guys interested into making two rolls for everyone... while i made the whipped-mascarpone-cream for the layered fruit-compote and amaretti-mascarpone dessert (shown in the top left picture)... and tried to fit all the goodness into a red-wine glass for each of us! we all had a lot of fun... so much so that we didn't really snap any pictures; busy preparing, busy keeping everyone occupied with something (so much to the extend of handing one of them my english-chinese/chinese-english dictionary so that he could try to say something in mandarin! it was hilarious...) busy eating, busy enjoying the silly but otherwise 'intellectually-stimulating' exchanges of food-talk.. and i am glad they found the food edible!
i so much enjoyed cooking for/with my friends that i got even more inspired to try new 'recipes'... and subconsciously, i picked out 2 cookbooks (pictured left) from Barnes&Nobles on tuesday... and i am so chuffed with my purchase! i've always wanted a book that would tell me about different herbs and spices and how they have been traditionally used, prepared, combined, and also what they are good with... and i've always loved a good hearty soup! particularly ruth's soups... and so any inspiring ideas for soup-brewing and herby or spicey endeavours are indeed gems to be sought!
in fact, i was so excited by the many different things i could do with my favourite cilantro/corriander herb, which i make a point to get regularly... that i tried the corriander chutney recipe, modifying it only ever so slightly by adding a touch of sweet japanese mirin... and i am guessing that this would be splendid with seafood, and grilled meats... complementing the meat or grains with a subtly spiced but sweet experience and something i could bring along to the bbq-party this coming sunday!
oh... i can't wait to try other herb-spice concoctions... and make me a warm soup real soon!