trying to cope

i can't imagine having to go through what i've been through the last days whenever i have to experience the loss of any dear ones, especially when it comes as suddenly as it had... it's terribly awful and painful and it will take a while to get used to the sad unfortunate fact, is all i can say, so please keep yourselves healthy and well, and -- if you can help it and it is not against your conscience -- that you keep yourself away from dangers too...

i hate these senseless, mindless, innocent killings that we hear about every day that most of us, me included, are not able to stop and are guilty of not doing anything about it. i so hate myself... and i really hope i am as good a friend as those kind souls who've kept me sane... and as good a friend as R who departed us so suddenly and so undeservedly...

oh irreplaceable friendships... priceless and precious.

... how we rub off from the people we get to know, such that each becomes a part of the other... the death of someone close becomes a painful experience... because it's like parts of you suffering from serious wounds... and when they heal... or if they heal, these parts of you and you will never be quite the same.

R once shared with me something really beautiful... Brian Keenan's book, "An Evil Cradling"...(beautiful because despite the inhumane ordeals that the author experienced, he is able to emerge a survivor)... in it, i found this passage which i copied down many years ago...

"We are all made of many parts; no man is singular in the way he lives his life. He only lives it fully in relation to others" (pg 277)

... this, i share with you all today.

posted by ~overacuppa~ on Saturday, 16 October, 2004 at 18:23 hrs